The Temptations of A Doctor to the Barrio

Last September 30, my RHU staff surprised me with an impromptu "salo-salo" in our Main Health Center. It was supposed to be a small despidida party for me. Everyone was present, including all volunteers, casual and regular employees. Even representatives from the Mayor's Office (no less than the mayor's nephew himself) were present. It was intended to be a "light" occasion, but when everyone started to share their "goodbye" speech, it became a tearful farewell. Miss Jill Saril, my Nurse-I gave me stuffed puppy as a farewell gift. Mrs. Eleanor Manzano, my DOH representative, gave me a neck tie and some interpretation of the "symbols" printed on the neck tie. Mrs. Eden Pioquinto, my DR midwife, gave me a porcelain cup. The rest of the staff wrote their messages on a caricature of me made by one of my volunteer nurses.

I was personally touched by their testimonials and messages of thanksgiving. I have never realized how much I was valued by them. While at first I treated them as my subordinates and "employees", later, I began to be more attached to them, in a more personal level. I have earned for myself new friends....actually, a second family, somewhere in the South of Negros.

I couldn't help but shed a few tears myself. The past few days have been a struggle for me, trying to weigh things before I make my final decision. The devil himself appeared so many times in so many forms trying to tell me that the best choice is to leave Candoni and start a new life. Among the many forms the devil appeared was the form of self-pity. I have always thought that I never mattered, at least to the people I served in Candoni, that the things I have done for Candoni are not well appreciated by the community. The devil also came and appeared in the form of Vanity. He would whisper things like me not being recognized or appreciated by the people; that I will lose myself if I stay in Candoni. The devil also appeared in the form of Fear. He told me that if I stay in Candoni, I will stagnate, I will not grow, I will not progress, I will remain just the way I am. Five or ten years from now, I will be forgotten.

The devil also came in the form of Security and stability. He would offer me a future that is stable, earning more than enough, earning more than what I am earning now. And I looked at my family and indeed, the reasons of the devil are sound. I must provide stability for my family. I must also provide stability for myself. It is not wrong perhaps to consider one's family right? And the devil would always nod.

I would imagine that I am not the only DTTB who is undergoing the same internal struggle as of this moment. It is a struggle that must be resolved. For, even when I have already made my decision, the loud whispers of the devil's temptations and the soft noise of the angel's conscience, still continue to clash.

My consolation is that I always find strength in the comforts of my family. I get renewed whenever I am in the presence of my wife and kids. Of course, I get re-energized when I pray. Prayer has always been my life's anchor. In the hardest of times and the lowest of moments, my imperfect prayers have been my wings. They have provided me the armor that would allow me to weather the strongest of life's winds.

Now that I have made my choice, I do hope that God will always be with me, the same God who turns things around.

St. Raphael, accompany me.
Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for me.