Letting Go And Letting God

The hardest part of my job as a post-graduate intern is to apprise the folks about their patient's condition. I admitted a patient during my last duty who was brought in at the E.R. unconscious and unresponsive. Allegedly, patient had history of trauma while admitted at the referring hospital. Since that time, she was no longer responsive to any stimuli. At the E.R. I saw her without spontaneous eye opening, no response to pain and no verbal response. After a quick assessment, I entubated her and referred her immediately to my JC. A Stat CT Scan of the Cranium revealed a massive intracranial bleed. The neurologist said it was probably an aneurysmal bleed and subarachnoid hemorrage. Prognosis was very poor. The folks were apprised and were advised to sign the DNR form.

At first the sister did sign the DNR form but 8 hours later, she decided to take back the DNR instructions and wanted us to do everything to "lengthen" the life of her sister. It seems she still didn't want to let go.

It is very painful to see a loved one die before your very eyes and there is no way of stopping it. While we pray for "God's will be done", the real prayer we are praying is "Lord, let her live. Let my will be done". As a physician, all I could do is offer moral support and relay accurate information based on my personal clinical assessment. Based on theories, this patient has a poor chance of total recovery. Even if she survives, she would remain in a persistent vegetative state. She would literally be brain dead. The issue of quality of life now sets in.

I felt the struggle of this poor sister. Half of her wants her sister to rest from the pain. Half of her wants her to remain alive. This morning she told me that she once made a promise to her sister, that she won't abandon her, that she will always be beside her. I told her that for now, the only thing that she could do is be with her, by her side.

I was trained to cure the sick and if not cure, alleviate the pain. But doctors are never trained to raise the dead. But should this woman survive and recuperate, then it's not because of the medicines we give her but because of God's grace and maybe even because of her sister's enduring devotion to her and faith to her God.

Tonight, she is in my prayers.


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