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October 14, 2008

Making A Complete Circle: Solar Return

Today, on my 28th birthday, I was told that the Sun has returned "to the exact position in the sky as it was the day you were born. This is called a Solar Return." I am not sure the "astrological implications" of this "phenomenon" but I would like to believe that I have come full circle in the 28th year as a human being. Perhaps it would mean now is a time to start anew, a mark of new beginnings. I am not really a believer in this superstition, but let me just share with you what the "stars" would like to tell me today. In one astrological reading, I was told that the "Neptunian aspects to the Sun indicate that the native is growing more intuitive and more sensitive. This sensitivity will eventually lead to a greater compassion for other human beings and a better understanding of relationships. Individuals become less egotistical and more vulnerable during these years, since they are likely to be confronted with their own human frailty or that of someone close. Involvement with alcoholism, drug abuse, martyrdom, dependency situations, and savior-victim type relationships is the more negative manifestation of this aspect. For some individuals, being less egotistical results in an unstructured personality which lacks control, certainty, and direction. More positive manifestations include helping those in need, becoming more intuitive, and growing less concerned with selfish interests." Now, I am not so sure once again what this means but in my own interpretation, I am making progress as a human being. Compared to perhaps last year, I have grown, maybe, in my intuition and sense-of-self. Now, this growing process can bring both positive and negative aspects. As one would discover himself more, he learns more about his positive and negative sides. And with this knowledge comes the awareness of skills that can be used to utilize these positive and negative energies. In other words, I still have a long long way to go and my life, whether I am a good or bad person, is yet to be judged.

Whether good or bad, it is non-debatable the fact that I am no saint nor perfect human being. And the 28 years in my life were not entirely smooth-sailing. But who's expecting, right? Life is tough. It never comes with an instructional kit. But we are expected to handle life regularly, on a day-to-day basis, learning and re-learning the lessons even before they are taught. We fail most of the times and we stand again, as we should. Life is tough. But it is the only life I got. There are no more second chances once I mess this one up.

Perhaps in the last 28 years I have been messing up my life, not living my life to the fullest of its potentials. Maybe the reason for that is because of fear. Our lives have been so preconditioned that we should always be afraid of something, afraid of what other people might think, afraid of the endless possibilities that might happen, afraid of the endless possibilities that might NOT happen, etc. Humans are creatures of fear. That is why perhaps the very heart, I think, of Christ's divine message is, "Be Not Afraid!"

I fear - or, let me correct that, - I worry too much sometimes. I worry about the past, of things I have made locked forever in the domains of yesteryears. I worry about the present, of anxieties that trouble me from day to day. I worry about the future, of happenings yet to come, uncertainties that can make or break one's plans.

If there is one gift I should be asking from my Lord, it would be peace of mind and heart. I wish to be free from worries. I wish to be free from worrying about something which I can no longer undo. I wish to be free from worrying about somethings which I can do something about. I wish to be free from worrying about somethings which might not even come in the first place. Ironically, life is made to be worrisome.

Nevertheless, life is beautiful, no matter what happened, is happening and will be about to happen. All we can do is just sit back and relax, work a bit, love much, play nice and sleep soundly.

To my little boy, Happy Birthday!

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