Don't Give Up (Er, right...)
Who am I kidding, right? I know I would fail. I know I would not make it. Only faith can turn things around now for me. The heart is failing. The spirit is almost yielding to the seemingly inevitable. But somehow, deep inside of me there is that optimistic fool that says, "don't give up." I would like to believe that I am not hallucinating due to stress. I would like to believe that it is the inner soul that is within me, that never-say-die human spirit that tells me to push further. I am going insane. Blogging is but a temporary remedy. I am solely relying on prayer now. There have been moments when I wanted to study but my brain could not just take it anymore.
I could not understand it really. I could have made a different choice in the past but why insisted on this one? I am aware that there is a plan for me, a divinely orchestrated plan, but what I am not aware of are the details of the plan. Or maybe there is no plan at all, and I am just deluding myself.
Maybe the real plan really is for man to be on his own. And the "destiny" he makes depends solely on the choices he makes. So life is never really pre-ordained. It is but a game of hit-or-miss, learning and re-learning from mistakes, repeating these mistakes over and over again. It is a dog-eat-dog world for man and God has nothing really to do with it. It's up to Man now. It is up to me to pass this exam. Which means, if I fail, then it is because of my fault and my fault alone. If I pass, it is because I am lucky. Lucky...hmmm, but luck is beyond human control, isn't it? Perhaps there is something behind all of these. Something larger. Something bigger. We could not see it. We can only feel it.
Oh yes, his name is God.
Forgive my doubting heart, O Lord. Forgive a doubting fool. How many times in the past have I committed such a grave sin? To doubt you in the middle of your performing of your miracles.
Today, we are on Day Seven of our novena to Mother Guadalupe. Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us.
P.S. I found this nice song in the web, Never Give Up by Yolanda Adams, and I felt my guardian angel speaking to me through this song. So, I posted it here in my blog and I do hope my blogreaders would love it.
I could not understand it really. I could have made a different choice in the past but why insisted on this one? I am aware that there is a plan for me, a divinely orchestrated plan, but what I am not aware of are the details of the plan. Or maybe there is no plan at all, and I am just deluding myself.
Maybe the real plan really is for man to be on his own. And the "destiny" he makes depends solely on the choices he makes. So life is never really pre-ordained. It is but a game of hit-or-miss, learning and re-learning from mistakes, repeating these mistakes over and over again. It is a dog-eat-dog world for man and God has nothing really to do with it. It's up to Man now. It is up to me to pass this exam. Which means, if I fail, then it is because of my fault and my fault alone. If I pass, it is because I am lucky. Lucky...hmmm, but luck is beyond human control, isn't it? Perhaps there is something behind all of these. Something larger. Something bigger. We could not see it. We can only feel it.
Oh yes, his name is God.
Forgive my doubting heart, O Lord. Forgive a doubting fool. How many times in the past have I committed such a grave sin? To doubt you in the middle of your performing of your miracles.
Today, we are on Day Seven of our novena to Mother Guadalupe. Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us.
P.S. I found this nice song in the web, Never Give Up by Yolanda Adams, and I felt my guardian angel speaking to me through this song. So, I posted it here in my blog and I do hope my blogreaders would love it.
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