Moving Forward To The Half-Unknown

Last night was my last 24-hour duty in the last Department I have rotated in my PGI-ship. This Thursday, I will be doing electives and hopefully, will be done with the internship and more focused at last to passing the boards. I should not even begin to overemphasize the importance of passing the medical boards this August. It is a make or break moment for me. This is going to be perhaps the biggest hurdle I shall ever encounter yet. Once the board is passed, all doors of opportunities are open. Should I not pass the boards, then it is the guillotine for me.

But like I said, it is not in my hands now. Well, partly it is. Two-thirds of my destiny lie in the choices I make. The other third lies with God. I have always told myself that no matter what happens, there is always a reason for everything. But let this fact of life not turn me into a complacent buoy wandering aimlessly in the ocean of life. Like what I told my friend with regards to his problem with love. If he does love the girl, then he should love her enough to let her decide. If she decides to choose him then he is blessed. If she decides to choose the other, then he must accept. But that doesn't mean he should not be fighting for "the love of his life". He should prove himself to her, prove his love to her, but at the end of the day, he should let her do the choosing and no matter what the choice is, life must move forward.

And that is how I take my life: moving one step at a time, struggling one day at a time. I never look back and if I happen to, I never feel any regrets. After two months of rotating in Medicine, which unfortunately occurred after the debacle that happened among the interns, I have learned so much about myself, especially on how I work with personalities that may not be to my liking. I have learned that it is possible to work with others without getting personal about it. I have learned that it is possible to accomplish one's duties without harboring any ill-will to people who are blatantly bias and judgemental already. And life can still be harmonious at least from my end. Life is too short to be taken seriously. So, whether my co-employee is the devil incarnate himself, I shall work with him and learn to tolerate his presence as long as I am able to accomplish mine.

If there is one regret that I do have though is to have not really given others enough chance to re-prove themselves, if there is such a word. I should be more forgiving and less absolute in my qualifications for other people. I should always be reminding myself that no matter what happens, "scarred people are beautiful" and if this is true, then I must be the most beautiful person in the world, along with the rest of those I have scarred myself.

As I move an inch closer to a future I am yet to see and a tomorrow I have no idea about, I learn to flex my faith and keep it strongly planted on my heart. That is the only thing that is keeping me from quitting. I have so many times in the past entertained thoughts about quitting. And so many times I have seen myself being pulled out from this vacuum, mostly by sincere friends who are beginning to turn scarce nowadays. The most consistent figure nonetheless in my life right now is God alone and I do hope that He will enlighten me at last regarding His own plans for me. I am tired of making plans for myself. Now I am leaving most of the planning to Him. As for me, I will just be moving forward with my life, one day at a time.