Awkward

I am currently working on a presentation which is due tomorrow morning. The case that I will be presenting is about a patient I admitted less than 24 hours ago. I am supposed to present a case of thyroid carcinoma but I felt that the case isn't as exciting as this one I recently admitted. This German patient made me stay up almost the entire night, barely 36 hours before my presentation. This morning, with the help of JJ's laptop, I started making my slides, taking pictures of my patient's X-ray films and CT scan. Tomorrow 8 a.m. I will be presenting him, making this case as my last and final presentation for the department of medicine and perhaps for my entire Post-graduate internship.

What made this patient "toxic" was the hard labor of performing what would be a quick 20-second bedside procedure: NGT insertion. I made attempts at the E.R. but to no avail. Second set of attempts was done at the I.C.U. in the presence of my bosses. The third set of attempts was with the use of guide wire. Still with no results. The last attempt I made was at 3 a.m. when the patient was no longer dyspneic, was already awake and seemingly cooperative. I explained to him that he needed to help me by swallowing the NGT as soon as it passed his throat. Eventually I was able to insert the tube and have it in place (after so many attempts...again!) only to wake up this morning informed by the ICU nurse that the patient's NGT got dislodged. I had fellow PGI Chico to do it again, who also took a hard time inserting the tube. Eventually, the ICU head nurse was able to put it in place and immediately gave him all the oral meds that were due.

The rest of the morning was spent making the slides. I skipped lunch and instead went to sleep only to wake up at around 3 in the afternoon in time to take a shot on my slides again. Now, the fun begins: studying for the presentation.

I am almost done with my rotation at the Department of I.M., yet, somehow, I felt, having rotated in all the departments, this particular rotation had in me this sense of awkwardness. It cannot be denied that this feeling in me is brought about by the recent fiasco between the previous rotators and the rest of the PGIs in the presence of the I.M.J.C.'s. Although I am very much comfortable with almost all of the J.C.'s, I feel that there are still a few of them who ain't comfortable with me/us. I don't mind, really, although it is a very regretful thing this awkwardness that constricts us all in the middle. Honestly speaking, because of this, I am having second thoughts of taking up medicine during my residency.

I can now safely say that the department I enjoyed rotating with are (in particular order): Pediatrics, Surgery and OB-GYNE. I enjoyed pediatrics because it was challenging. I enjoyed Surgery because it was so benign. I enjoyed OB-GYNE because it was so phragmatic in its approach. I think I am headed for Pediatrics, that is if I pass the August Boards.

But don't think that I don't like Internal Medicine already. I still admire internists. For me, they are the smartest doctors. I don't think I could see myself being an internist though. Well, at least, not anymore.

But then, que sera sera.