New Policy

I have been working my ass off for more than a year now. A year free of charge with more than a hundred 24 hour duty-days in the hospital. A year of hard labor and mental torture. A year of pressures and tensions and stresses. I haven't received anything for it. No fulfillment. No reward. Yes, perhaps one can argue that the reward comes in the gratitude of the patients I have met. Perhaps one can argue that having received the outstanding junior intern for medicine is one of those rewards. But forgive me if I become cynical at the moment.

There are days that I feel regret. There are brief moments in the middle of work that I fancied having a different life. Worse, there have been days I wish to have a different life. For all this time I have not given much time for myself, haven't pampered myself. I have abused myself, gave no regard for self and have displaced my personal ambitions for a road which I now feel has only been imposed upon me by circumstances, most of which I fear I brought upon myself.

I decided to spend a day for myself, just myself and planned to enjoy the things I usually do on my own. With limited cash I went to the mall, looked around and watched a movie. I treated myself to some popcorn and coke. After the movie, I went around, met some old friends (Pinky and Renzo) down at a wedding exhibit in the mall then went home. I am planning to continue this some other time when money comes this end of the month.

It shall be my new policy from now on: to love myself as much as I love others. No more. No less.