The Freudian Slip Of A Bacolodnon

In search for something to cheer up my doubting heart, God led me to this song which I came across the internet. The song is most likely playing at the background now as you read this blog (courtesy of esnips.com). The lyrics is beautiful as well. Never Give Up by Yolanda Adams Visions that can change the world trapped inside an ordinary girl She looks just like me too afraid to dream out loud And though it’s simple your idea, it won’t make sense to everybody You need courage now If you're gonna persevere To fulfill divine purpose, you gotta answer when you're called So don't be afraid to face the world against all odds CHORUS Keep the dream alive don't let it die If something deep inside keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop And never give up, don't ever give up on you Don't give up Every victory comes in time, work today to change tomorrow It gets easier, who’s to say that you can’t fly Every step you take you get, closer to your destination You can feel ...

This is the final week before exams. Yesterday, we started the novena to the Divine Mercy. Since Wednesday, I have been lighting a candle every 3 o clock pm. We are already tired. We are already getting bored. We are already geting nervous. We are already getting pressured. We can't do anything now. We have already studied. We have pushed ourselves to the limit. We have done what we can possibly do. The final 200 meters of the race is being ran solely on guts alone. Strength? Not even an elephant dose of epinephrine can provide us with the energy boost. What we are immersing ourselves now are some good vibes from supporters and prayer brigades we have left at home. Yesterday, Melvin, Mac and I went to a Thai massage for a head massage. That 30 mins of relaxing massage was enough to drain the stress away. We needed that. This afternoon, the girls decided to go for a massage themselves. About the good vibes, I have been receiving emails and SMS from friends and teachers who have show...

We are now 8 days away from the boards. We are feeling the weight of the pressure. There have been thoughts of quitting. Prayers are now said more fervent than ever. Some have started developing symptoms of despair. In my case, I am almost in the brink of losing my mind. Some are deciding to go home at least for a day and just re-energize. I am tempted to go home myself. I miss my family. I miss my children. I miss my less-than-complicated life. No matter what and how I study the past few days, nothing is getting inside my head. All I am doing now is just reading and reading. I don't know how much I am soaking in. My prayers are trying to compensate for what my physical strength lacks. Every 3 pm I am lighting a candle before the image of Mother Guadalupe in our makeshift altar inside the room. Eight days to go and as early as now I am having butterflies in my stomach. While going over old text messages in my cellphone, I went over a text message sent by a friend. It's a story ...

I got this email forwarded by a high school classmate and close friend. It is about giving up. All I can say is, I do pray God will grant me the faith of the bamboo and will likewise never give up on me. Don't give up..... One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?" His answer surprised me... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?" "Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit...

Who am I kidding, right? I know I would fail. I know I would not make it. Only faith can turn things around now for me. The heart is failing. The spirit is almost yielding to the seemingly inevitable. But somehow, deep inside of me there is that optimistic fool that says, "don't give up." I would like to believe that I am not hallucinating due to stress. I would like to believe that it is the inner soul that is within me, that never-say-die human spirit that tells me to push further. I am going insane. Blogging is but a temporary remedy. I am solely relying on prayer now. There have been moments when I wanted to study but my brain could not just take it anymore. I could not understand it really. I could have made a different choice in the past but why insisted on this one? I am aware that there is a plan for me, a divinely orchestrated plan, but what I am not aware of are the details of the plan. Or maybe there is no plan at all, and I am just deluding myself. Maybe the r...

Yesterday marked the second week of our stay in Cebu in preparation for the medical boards this August. The week was almost similar to the previous week. The entire weekdays were scheduled for studying from sunrise to sundown, even till midnight. The studying was only dotted with lunchbreaks and dinner. This morning, we attended mass at the Church of Our lady of Guadalupe. Guadalupe has been our earnest patroness. The Image of the Virgin Mother which I brought with me and before which we pray our rosary every night is the Image of the Our Lady of Guadalupe. I am a devotee of Guadalupe and I even named my first born after the saint to whom she appeared in Mexico, St. Juan Diego. I named him after the saint because he was born on the year when John Paul II declared Juan Diego a saint. Coincidentally, we started the 3 9-day novena series last Wednesday and the first set of novena was a novena to the Our Lady of Guadalupe. The mass at Guadalupe Church was special because we prayed our 5th ...

I am now on my 8th day in Cebu City and as early as now I am already feeling the symptoms of schizophrenia. Fearing that I might lose myself irreversibly down the path to lunacy, I have decided to blog tonight. Come to think of it, blogging has been one of the things that has been keeping me sane throughout my experience as a pre-board intern. The other things that keep me from going totally insane are my family and close friends. There have been times in the past that it was family and friends who saved me from the edge of self-destruction. These people have been consistent in their attempts to do the same. And God of course! He Who Turns Things Around has always been the Most Dependable of All. He has time and again proven to me that if I only trust Him, He would find a way. There have been moments in the past that I felt He was never on my side. But many times He has proven me wrong, in the smallest details to the biggest details. He Who Turns Things Around does exactly what His Nam...